invisible - but so close

I promised you to never think about the past again and to focus on the future. And I'm trying. But sometimes it's hard when everything around me makes me think about the past.

I am really happy that I have to work today, it gives me some distraction of the things that are happening.
J. told me that I am still registrated in Sweden, so if I want, I can just go back there and I can start a life there. Maybe it's the best thing to do for me. Because I don't really see a future for me here. And I feel tired of fighting. I have to struggle through the days. I don't count for my parents. They want me to study, they want me to go to university. But I like my job, even though I know I should get a fulltime. I like the people there. But when I think of Sweden, and everything I could have had there, I feel sad.

Maybe we should try to get a future there instead of Germany :) I miss Sweden so much. If they never influenced me here, if they did not have been so hypocrite, I would have gone back and I would have a life there now. I would have been a Swedish citizen (which I'm still a little bit) and I would have found my luck there.

And I miss you like hell. I wish we could have fun again, have picknicks in the park, walking around the city; doing crazy stuff... just forget our troubles. Because I know that you are probably also going through hard times. And I wish I could be there to make you feel better. But even though you can't see me, doesn't mean that I'm not by your side :)

xoxo
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