Could it be that I have found an angel ?
I can see heaven in your eyes...

Dear world !

What I'm going to tell you now is probably very strange. A year ago I had a date with a boy, and I was totally in love with him after that. I told him but he just laughed and I never heard anything of him anymore. Well, since a few months, there is a boy on my bus that looks just like him ! It could be his twin! Except the tattoo's, everything is the same ! He has piercings at the same place, he wears the same clothes and has the same hair, even the color of his eyes is the same. I don't know anything about this boy, the only thing I know is that he has a girlfriend. Everytime he's on my bus, my stomach starts to behave weird.

But the last period, he's not that often on my bus anymore :( And the last time I saw him was two weeks ago when he was rollerblading down a street. I was on my way to my grandmother and I was actually thinking about him ( the song : say it - eric saade, was playing on my mp3) I had a strange feeling and suddenly I saw him. He didn't see me. And that was good because I must have looked very weird xD

Well, whatever needs to happen will happen, isn't it ?

Today I went to work again, it was only 13 degrees outside ! Such a big difference with yesterday! It was nice at work. At home it was terrible, I came too late because I missed the bus, and my parents started to
make a scene.

Anyways,

Darling,
I love you

xoxo
EnVansinnigFlicka

How things can change in a blink of an eye...

I was thinking about Sweden again, and how much I miss everything there. In one moment, everything changed. It's how things go. And now there is an ocean between us, and more than thousand miles. I really hope that you're chasing your dreams and never give up the things that you love. I don't know what life is going to bring me, but I hope that you'll be on my path again. You've been an important person in my life, and I still think about everything we did when I feel down. It gives me the strenght to go on again, 'cause you gave me a taste of the beauty of life. And it's worth finding that beauty again

                                        

Today I went to work. It was nice after 4 days off. They appreciate me there, and it's such a nice feeling. It was also very warm today, 30°C! It was nice after having cold weather the last days. I don't really like the warmth but I love to see people walking down the streets with a smile on their face. I smile when it's winter though, but that's a different story xD
I'm not like the others, but I guess you already figured that out ! xD


Darling,
know that I love you
and I still think about you every day

xoxo
EnVansinnigFlicka

Hello dear world.

It was a heavy evening and sometimes I wish I was somebody else. 'Cause I seem to do everything wrong and I make people unhappy. Especially at home. I have a little brother who is 15 years younger than me, and I love playing with him, he has no judgements and he still sees the world as something beautiful to explore. But my mother doesn't like me hanging out with him. I don't understand why 'cause I'm his sister after all! But my mother punishes him whenever he plays with me. It breaks my heart because somehow she makes me feel like I'm not part of this family, like I'm a stranger. I know that my mother wants me to leave the house as soon as possible. She keeps on telling me every day. My little brother came to me today with something he found in the garden and he said : " This is for you. So you won't forget me when you have to live somewhere else from mom'."
I nearly cried.

I look forward to go to work again, because at least they appreciate me there. Oh yes, I went to that meeting, and it was not that bad after all. It was a little bit strange to me because I don't know that much about food etc. So I learned a lot. And a lot of things surprised me. Now I realise that I'm only a part of the chain of people who make sure that the patients get their food. It's kind of fascinating.

anyways,
I think I will go to bed now,

xoxo
EnVansinnigFlicka
　

Dear you, Jag vet att min blogg var inte så optimistisk, men jag måste gå vidare, och jag lovade dig att aldrig se tillbaka. Det var svårt de sista dagarna, men jag insåg att jag måste hålla mitt löfte, Det handlar om framtiden nu. Jag måste börja känna mig levande igen, för jag har varit döende inne. Jag önskar jag hade någon här ställa några råd, eftersom jag ibland inte kan se ljuset längre. Men det kommer att bli bättre. Jag lovar.

Åh älskling, du vet inte hur jag längtar efter att åka tillbaka till Sverige med dig. Även om det bara var för en semester. Kanske vi måste köpa ett lite hus där, eller bara en lite husvagn. Ett ställe att gå till när allt blir svårt. Our own little paradise, wouldn't it be great ?

I am kind of worried about the meeting this wendsday. I have to represent my colleagues there but I feel like I will not be able to. I know the most people there, but all the bosses will be there, even the big boss of the hospital. What if I say something wrong ? I'll be the youngest person there ! I don't know if I'm able to take this responsability. But on the other side, my self-confidience will grow, 'cause they believe in me. They trust me, they believe in the fact that I will do a good job there. My doctor also said that I should not be afraid there. She told me that I need this kind of stuff to work on myself. Well, maybe she's right, and maybe it's good for me. But I wish she could take my nerves away.

xoxo
EnVansinnigFlicka

Älskling, jag önskar du var här, bara ha kul, inte tänka på någonting. Tömning mitt huvud, tömning mina känslor. Det är verkligen vad jag behöver.

Dear world,
PLEASE stop challenging me.
Give me room to breathe
I'm suffocating
Don't mess with my feelings.
Just let me be...
PLEASE ???

I wish I could run away and hide myself from all the pain, all this mess. I know it's my own fault to let him get closer again, but I can't say 'no' to him. It's like a game; whenever we come closer, I push him away, even though I don't want to. It's so wrong to feel this way, I should erase him from my mind. He has a family to take care of now. I don't have to be a part of his life anymore, in fact I SHOULDN'T. I know how much it has hurt me to know that he cheated on me. I shouldn't let him cheat again. I shouldn't get closer to him. I can't do this to his wife and child. I can't, I shouldn't, I shouldn't, I shouldn't !!!
He makes me insane.

                                 

anyways, I keep myself happy with the fact that I will see YOU again.
I miss you so much,

xoxo
EnVansinnigFlicka

Hello world,

It's a rainy day, grey and not warm at all. I'm really curious to see if it's really going to get 27 degrees this weekend.

Today I went to the doctor, and I actually just came home. Trough the rain ofcourse. The song 'monsoon' automatically popped up in my head xD
This afternoon, I'm going to work, not really to work there but teaching a girl xD It's nice, 'cause I don't need to do anything at all. Just giving instructions xD

And I'm missing YOU and Sweden very much. I really long to go there again with you someday, and I'm going to do whatever's possible to make it happen !

LoveYou

xoxo
EnVannsinnigFlicka

I'm just going to put a poem here today.
I wrote it this night, I don't really where it's about, but the words just came to me.

Standing in the rain

Scars become wounds again

Moving on the line

pretending to be fine

I recognise your eyes

looking through a wall of lies

Losing self-control

as you try to reach my soul

temperatures are rising fast

loves like this won't last

you're driving me insane

so go out of my way

let me break free tonight

After all I'll be allright



Oh, by the way, I took pictures of the city I live in, Antwerp. I hope you enjoy them !!!

xoxo

EnVansinnigFlicka 

I'm back :)

Hello everybody !

Here I am again ! I've been away for a while because my laptop didn't work anymore. But I got a new one, so I can write again. There has happened a lot in the period that I didn't write. A lot changed for me, and I'm glad that I have a new laptop to change my mind a little :) .

I was ill the past days, I had an ear-infection. But I went to my work anyway... otherwise I think too much about stuff I shouldn't be thinking about.

I don't remember if I have told you something about my ex. But he cheated on me and after we broke up, he started a relationship with that girl. She got pregnant. And the day after Easter this year, my ex boyfriend told me that his son was born. At the moment he told me that, my world broke down. When I was with him, I always dreamt of getting children with him, building my life with him... But I broke up with him, and now I have the feeling I was wrong. It hurts like hell. But I can't turn back time. It's three years ago since we broke up, but he still means a lot to me. He was my first love...

Anyways, I have promised you to only look forward, and I really do my best :)

One day we will meet again <3

Love you and always will <3
xoxo EnVannsinnigFlicka